HocRsmart

Upgrading

2011-10-16T01:08:00.000-07:00

From a turtle to raptor. Yeahyuh.

Pew Pew

2011-07-09T11:47:00.000-07:00

So I've been playing a lot of video games lately.

What's the deal with having to buy video games with money? If I'm playing video games all day, I don't have time to get a job and make money. I'm going to need reform on this as soon as possible.

The Rodeo at the Coliseum

2011-02-23T21:33:00.000-08:00

Just when I thought Tucson couldn't get more small town or wholesome, I find out there is a major event, a rodeo, taking place. Kids get a 4-day weekend, classes are canceled, places close down for the day, all for some rodeo events and, I'm sure, a good time.

Star Chasm

2011-02-18T18:24:00.000-08:00

Under a starry sky, a tired man waits at a bus stop and lets out a slew of dehydrated coughs. Down the bench from him sits another patron of public pickup and passaging. The patron's face was greasy from a hard day's labor, his blue hat sat atop his light brown ponytail masculinely, and a cigarette passed from hand-to-hand-to-mouth.

"Do you have allergies." He says with a light and clear voice that stung the man's ears.

The man answers irkingly, no.

"Are you just sick, with the cold, or something," he tries again.

The man answers annoyingly, no, just a pinch in his throat, to the patron.

"I've been sneezing like crazy lately. Just achoo, achoo, all the time y'know. Well not right now, now I'm not doing it, but yesterday it was crazy." He lurched forward in demonstration but the man slouched into the uncomfortable metal bus bench in anxiety.

"I was digging around in the dirt yesterday too so that might be why."

The man looked over with an apologetic face, still resting on the bench. 'When I first saw you I thought you would be completely nonsensical but now I realize I was cosmically wrong.'

"Really?" The man asked.

Enter Goblins

2011-02-17T22:23:00.000-08:00

Progress and armor have been made.

Progressive Park

2011-02-13T10:28:00.000-08:00

Like most kids, growing up I thought my parents had no idea what they were talking about. I felt I was smarter than them by around age 14, and I say that is too long. I have a dream where all kids are smarter than their parents, from any age, on any subject, and despite the lack of experience; where kids point out all the flaws and mistakes of their parents, therefore undermining the entire parent-child dynamic, reversing it completely. Only then have we made progress as a society and with education.

I know that's what all the education reformists are aiming for, and I can only hope, for now, that they make leaps and bounds in their cause. Because, there's still progress in the learning of the children, but not nearly as fast as I want it to be.

Reading: A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini and hundreds of Persona creative writing entries.

Vindictus

2011-02-05T16:29:00.000-08:00

Off to new lands. My swords and I are three brothers in need of this adventure, we yearn for it, the struggles and training.

Unbearable

2011-02-04T21:55:00.000-08:00

The wind nips any part of you it can get it, phasing through any article of clothing no matter how thick, forgoing shivers and smoky breaths; passing from the north just as quickly as it came.

I hate this weather so. I can only bear cold during the night but when the sun is up I expect sweating and panting.

Ear Discharge

2010-12-24T00:58:00.000-08:00

VV Brown

David Bowie

The Black Keys

Critter

2010-12-17T15:03:00.000-08:00

The night was cold and wet, from the poorly timed sprinklers, when Richard knocked on my door.
"You want a kitten." He said.

She was all black with white belly fur and paws and was sick when Richard found her. She had a runny nose, congestion, wheezing, and a sneezed a lot. She was intrigued by the chlorine-blue of the water in the pool so she skulked to the edge where she either unknowingly inched in or slipped. Shivering and with a wall of water rushing down her face, she dragged herself back out. I decided to keep her till I could deliver her to a shelter, for her well-being, for the image Richard had of me, and for a companion for myself.

Unaware of her gender at the time, I named her Robin. I figured if it was a boy people would assume I named her after Batman's sidekick but if it was a girl people would think its cute naming a cat after a small, edible bird. I noticed Robin had a sixth digit on her right hand; I saw a claw protruding in between her thumb and index, how interesting. Like a stray, Robin didn't eat cat food right away, exposed her claws whenever picked her up, and was wide awake when I was asleep at night. But she was also friendly, playful, and enjoyed my company. I gave her to the Pima County Animal Care Center today, where she will hopefully find a better home. But just to make sure, I'll stop by in the future, to say hi.

Seven Pennies

2010-11-24T09:24:00.000-08:00

While waiting for a bus in the morning, a man walking by asked me, "Do you have seven pennies I can have."

"No, I don't." I answered.

"Thank you, sorry for bothering you." He replied sincerely.

Sadness Right About Now

2010-11-11T17:12:00.000-08:00

My parents want me to come to San Diego for Christmas. I don't really feel like being around my parents for a month or being in San Diego but I do feel like mooching video game money from them and seeing Mashari.

I shall be taking a General Technical Writing class at community next semester. I've always wondered what exactly technical writing was. For the first time, I have the chance to learn all the things I've never had the chance to learn.

Trying to get my hands on a collection of poems written by Giacomo Leopardi . I was told his pessimism would be enthralling.

Volunteeritis

2010-10-27T22:40:00.000-07:00

'A' reads well but is shy; her favorite book is Clifford the Small Puppy. 'J' likes dinosaurs but can't pronounce their names among other words. I haven't met 'V' yet. I am a "reading coach" for Reading Seed of Tucson, sponsored by the Rotary Club of Tucson. According to Reading Seed's latest newsletter, nine elementary schools closed over the past summer in Tucson Unified. Every Tuesday I take two buses to Lilian Cavett Elementary School where 300 young ones learn the basics of reading and writing and walk through tiled halls leaking out the smell of cafeteria chicken.

The John and Vicki Click Clubhouse sits sandwiched in between two elementary school. Power hour is an hour of quiet time in the library room where kids can do their homework and get rewarded with free snacks. There are usually 30-50 kids and five adults giving attention to fake criers, doling out simple directions, pretending to enjoy chess with 3rd graders, and realizing these kids no higher than 5th grade will be smarter than him soon due to the length of the words on their vocabulary sheets and exponents in their math problems. Good luck, but I bet they won't ever know the glorious figures that is the boy-band NSync.

How could I ever, and why did I, call Tucson my home and not do anything to make it better?

The neighborhood I live in currently reminds me too much of the one I grew up in. I want to teach kids that pre-conditions don't become aftermaths. I lived in a neighborhood where deadbeats were prevalent but I realized I didn't have to join them, nor would living in a neighborhood filled with lawyers mean I would have to prosecute. A benefit of being antisocial, among many, many, (many) others, is the time I have to myself to think, get to know myself, and what I want for myself. I don't understand how people are always seemingly at odds with their conscience, I think it's weird that I always walk slow yet I hate standing around waiting for the bus, I can't stand the egotism of Shakespeare, and above all, I hate the stylization, but not the sexualization, being forced on vampires. And I want to do all the things I want to do. Play music, have a personal library, go to Mardi Gras and Carnaval, and above all, learn all the interesting things the world has to offer. I was too big for where I lived, like a puzzle piece that doesn't fit. I keep moving like a story that continues past its book.

One Library Card To Rule Them All

2010-10-24T20:29:00.000-07:00

I have a dishwasher here so there's no need for me to go to the laundromat. Get my work clothes clean for tomorrow and cooking supplies clean for dinner.

After a webinar on federal internship, I want to see what I can do and where I can go. The ideal place for me would be the Library of Congress. How I would walk down the 750 miles of bookshelves gazing at each passing work of literary art. Sure, I wouldn't enjoy D.C., the politicians and suits and ties, but the Library.

I've got no judgment for you

2010-10-23T09:42:00.000-07:00

Ache With Me by Against Me

I've walked down high streets looking through windows.
I've been lost in crowds of strangers.
Searched record shops and cosmetic aisles, phone books, want ads, bus stops and libraries.
Newspaper headlines, mannequin faces, television stations, billboard advertisements.
Your voice echoes in the back of my mind.
I see your face when I close my eyes.

Do you share the same sense of defeat?
Have you realized all the things you'll never be?
Ideals turn to resentment, open minds close up with cynicism.
I've got no judgment for you.
Come on and ache with me.

Through bar rooms, cafés, jail cells and court rooms.
Theaters, restaurants, graveyards and churches.
I've spent every dollar that I've ever earned.
I'll bleed my heart out, I'll give every word.
I've asked preachers, doctors and lawyers, socialites, pariahs, mothers and fathers.
You may not find all that you're after, in the end I hope it doesn't matter.

Do you share the same sense of defeat?
Have you realized all the things you'll never be?
Ideals turn to resentment, open minds close up with cynicism.
I've got no judgment for you.
Come on and ache with me.

Do you share the same sense of defeat?
Have you realized all the things you'll never be?
I've got no judgement for you.
Come on and ache with me.

Hemingway at a Bus Stop

2010-10-17T23:46:00.000-07:00

She wasn't my usual acquaintance but she was interested and interesting. I wish I would have been.

“Hi, do you know what time the bus gets here?

“Oh, it's cool. The bus has a different schedule on the weekends, so I don't know either.”

The sun didn't have the patience to wait for the 17 bus but this woman and I did. She had more patience for this particular bus, I just had more time to wait for any bus I would find myself to take. Her long-sleeved over shirt and drab sweatpants seemed to coexist with nightfall but her aged face seemed forced, well befitting of the stories she told, the wisdom she had, the tumultuous battles splashed with overcomes; but not of the discoveries she still yearned for or the curiousness that brought her to this bus stop and me.

“So do you go to high school?”

She looked down, saw my school's emblem and the fighting colors of my shorts, and realized before I told her.

“Oh cool, what are you majoring in?

“Yeah, I love reading too. My favorite is Ernest Hemingway. He wrote a novel called “To Have and Have Not.” It's my favorite. And then they made a movie based on it and it had Humphrey Bogart in it.

“Yeah it is. It was made in 1944, I mean I wasn't around when it first came out, I'm not that old. But yeah anything with Humphrey is pretty old.”

I really wish the bus would get here already, I want to go home; maybe go for a swim or play basketball.

“And then a guy named Gregory Peck was in another movie based on a Hemingway novel. It was really good too.”

I wondered why she wasn't in some classroom with other studious gabs. She could be with them, talking to them.

“I've thought about going back to community or maybe online or something but my schedule's all over the place—I'm a nanny for this one family, their days are always different. I don't know how I would fit in school.

“Yeah weekend classes could work, maybe morning or night classes...I have a bunch of friends at the U of A and Pima who go everywhere and do cool things. Like one of my friends at Pima—she's Native American like me—she helped her tribe get some land in court a few weeks ago and when she told me about it I was just in awe. That was so cool.”

I hate waiting. There's a phone number on the bus stop sign.

“You're not calling that number on the sign are you? They close early on the weekend.”

Her cellphone rang quietly and a soft hello was uttered. She ambled out of listening range. Within moments, none of which saw the arrival of the bus, she returned.

“A bunch of my friends want to go to The Loft to see some classic French movie but I don't think I'm gonna go I don't have $9 to get in.”

This encounter is starting to get personal. I think I'm sweating.

“Have you heard of F. Scott Fitzgerald? I've heard a lot about him but I never read anything of his. Like “The Great Gatsby.” Some of my friends got me tickets to a play based on it but I still wanna read the book.

“I think a senior class at my high school read it too but I didn't get too far in high school.

“Really? I saw that movie, didn't know he wrote it. Benjamin Button was a really good movie though.

“Are you Japanese?”

Are you going to watch the news tonight? Do you know about the election? Are you registered to vote? Who are you voting for? Whose toupee do you think will fall off first? How much wind would it take to blow someone's wig off?

“Oh Vietnamese huh. My brother has two Japanese children, both girls, because he was in the army and y'know he was stationed in Okinawa. Beautiful city by the way.

“I hope they do, it would be a shame for anyone not to know their dad, cause I didn't.”

She scoffs. Her voice becomes somber and deeper but still audible like the roar of a launching rocket.

“It was actually pretty hard on my mom to look after me and my two brothers. And none of them had anyone to teach them how to take care of a girl—it's why they both sleep around and have babies everywhere. But y'know I tried to help out wherever I could, babysat my brothers, whatever, cooked, clean. I think that's the bus.”

Oh, finally! She got on first and we sat in different seats. The bus drive apologized roughly at every stop for being so late but never explained why or what had happened. After a few more apologies in the night, she got off at the stop before mine through the back door. I would eventually arrive home at long last.

So Much For Checklists

2010-10-11T21:53:00.000-07:00

I'm in my new place now with the cheapest internet I could find, no furniture, and another room I have no use for.

Take a look.

I can't believe Superfriends was allowed to air. I've never found Batman so unbearable in my life, it's sad; a moment of silence for the dark knight.

You'd Be Home If You Lived Here

2010-09-25T16:22:00.000-07:00

This apartment is getting a little too pricey so I'm going to be moving to a new home soon. After visiting a few apartments I can safely say all landlords are assholes, in some way, shape, or form, they're just cold assholes. It's understandable that it's a business but it's also where people live, where they go home after work everyday, where they feel safe, a little empathy would go a long way. Especially you off campus "student housing."

Today, the movie I've been waiting for will premiere on TV. Sharktopus. Syfy is gloriously unmatchable.

He Wants To

2010-09-24T20:37:00.000-07:00

He was supposed to make it because he wanted to
He was going to have it all because he never had anything,
The flower that grew,
The thin air that became something;
Thinking life was within his grip,
Bursting with radiant colors, him an inexperienced shade of gray,
But that was the day,
He knew he would never go back, where life
had not yet flip,
Where walls felt like salted guillotines.
The unmistakable signs:
He can't make it an inch without a yards worth of deprivation,
For every room of victory, there would be a building to meet him with resistance.
It wasn't his time,
He can't stay, not here,
Still wandering and figuring,
He is, and as long as he wants to be, independent.

Not A Loneliness To Speak Of

2010-09-16T21:53:00.000-07:00

I do not fear being alone,
not while I question my decisions now,
not when I lay exposed foundations tomorrow;
once again, I'm done.

I am not alone, if only I could cry
You would believe me than.
I want to picture the picket fence,
And the eyes I always tried to keep dry...

2010-09-12T09:32:00.000-07:00

Everything's flowing like water and not stuck like Jello. Still have to wait for an update before everything is final.

I'm pumped for football. Can't wait till the Chargers start playing and Arizona plays later today. Also got me a new wireless keyboard and mouse because I spilled water on my old keyboard; all for under $30 thanks to Amazon. Still have not had the chance to eat KFC's double down.

Read a chapter of Native Son by Richard Wright the other day, already great stuff not unlike Raisin in the Sun.

Hello Long Haired Leo

2010-08-27T12:26:00.000-07:00

Is Spin really selling a years subscription for $1?

I don't have classes, don't have work today, and Mashari's visiting family back in San Diego. It's just me and daytime AMC, Little Miss Sunshine just ended, now I'm watching Gangs of New York. I've wanted a break from school but I hate how it wasn't my decision.

The Journey's Over

2010-08-25T21:55:00.000-07:00

My read through of The Journey to the West is at a stand still for now.

These last few days have been the toughest time of my life. A slew of financial aid issues drove me to a dramatic and desperate mindset. It was like those parts of Scooby Doo where everyone's in a hallway of doors, running in and out of room looking for something but only coming out chasing what they weren't expecting, a random chaos wasting energy. I have a plan now though, nothing like some kind of direction to put things in a perspective.

Just to illustrate how horrible it's been, I haven't played any video games since Monday.

Men and Dogs

2010-08-17T23:20:00.000-07:00

If there was really a tree of money and a dog saw it, the dog would urinate on it.
If a man saw that same tree, he would strip it down very quickly, with a grin on his face.

You Haven't Seen A House Till You've Seen It in 3D

2010-08-11T19:14:00.000-07:00

I'm learning how to make 3d models on a program called Gmax. It feels like when I first started learning Photoshop.

That's the Simpsons' house if you don't know. Don't be fooled by the colors, those are defaults, I shall texture them soon to look realer than you or me.

Rocketship Plz

2010-08-06T23:04:00.000-07:00

I used to think California was pretty epic, but now that I've been out here in Arizona for almost a year now: California doesn't deliver all that it's hyped to be. A lot of people think it's the place to be, or maybe it's just the way and specific location I grew up in, but it's not all that it's cracked up to be.

Is the U.S.?

I'm so bored of everything now. I've been in school for far too long, it's nowhere near my top priority anymore at the end of the day, tired of everything about it really. Being challenged starts with having the energy and tolerance to meet up with it.

Shark Week Is My Dream Within A Dream Within A Dream

2010-08-02T22:29:00.000-07:00

I saw Toy Story 3, Inception, and Despicable Me on Saturday. I bet Andy is majoring in Family Studies.

This is my first Shark Week. Well, right now I'm watching It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia; I'll learn in awe later.

Still reading Journey to the West, but now I'm half way through volume two; only two and a half more volumes to go (approx. 1000 pages in total to go).

Reasons Why Swords Are Better Than Guns

2010-07-25T19:22:00.000-07:00

After a day's worth of Lord of the Rings, I've been enlightened. If you are close enough to hack someone with a sword, you're close enough to kill them. Swords require no ammunition; only dependent on your own stamina and cunning. A skillful swordsman would separate the gun from whomever it is he's up against. And an inexperienced swordsman would most likely run around frantically, waiting till all bullets are fired, the quiet breath, before lunging. In either of those situations, an accurate or beginning marksman would not return home, regardless of weapon variety, range, or rate of fire. A shotgun calls for close quarters, a more beneficial situation for the swordsman. Rifles have various reload times from a few seconds to an eternity, a deadly chink for someone with a weapon cutting through air. Automatic weapons fire small bullets that can be deflected by the steel of the sword or protected by cover, in this case, a shield would be extremely helpful with either though not necessary. Accurate or not, a trigger outright fails to a hilt. If you want a fair match, imagine a marksman and a swordsman with one weapon of choice; the swordsman would have his sword while the marksman would have a firearm, any of your choosing, but with only one bullet. Sounds fair if we are talking only one weapon.

All or Nothing

2010-07-07T13:42:00.000-07:00

Why is it the further away I am from them and the more I try to be independent the more I need my parent's?

It infuriates me that 2/3 of the questions on the FAFSA is about how much my parent's make when I am the one going to college. And especially 2/3 of my financial aid is a loan for parent's—which they can't even get because of their credit history. Is it a a grand stretch to put some responsibility on me and not the people I don't call, see, live near, or need? C'mon you can trust me!

I still wonder what it would be like now if I went to NAU, I remember they called me to make sure I understood financial aid and asked me how else I would need them, they had current students send me letters about stuff to do on campus.

Sweating all over the place

2010-06-23T22:38:00.000-07:00

Journey to the West finally came into the library. I love libraries. It was 111 degrees when I went.

When I was a little kid I watched an Asian TV series based on Journey to the West and then an animated one about it came out for a short time.

Catus

2010-06-23T11:14:00.000-07:00

Along the line of flimsy motels,
Scorching ripples of heat
Above canyons and dips eager for water,
Desert of concrete and dry,
Bravado ants scurry:
Two strangers stagger by
A cactus the median
He looks. She looks by.
Looking. Walking. Bye.

I Was Asked "To Be Or Not To Be," I answered "Ahh There Is The Rub"

2010-06-15T22:02:00.000-07:00

and he looked at me puzzled and said "what?" and walked away laughing and shaking his head, "oh Hoc you're funny."

I have to work near full-time hours this week. Last week too. Twenty-nine hours last week. And 27 this week.

I’m listening to an album with the subtitle “Most Interesting Person in the World” and reading the poems of Allan Ginsberg, who might be The World’s Most Interesting Person. He believed in sexual equality, opposed materialism and militarism. "Howl" depicts hetero and homosexual intercourse. He was also a part of the National Man/Boy Love Association, an organization promoting consensual relations between an adult (18 and older) and a minor (younger than 18). Dam.

What if Pokemon continued forever, even after releasing 12 movies and in production of another, 12 seasons of tv episodes, 4 generation of video games and a 5th in production, and 493 different Pokemon, what if they kept growing indefinitely? I’d have to get more money, somehow.

For anyone still wondering, I am not coming home anytime soon. A, my home is now here in Tucson. B, until my sister starts dating I have no reason to come home and I can see everyone on their Facebook pages. And C, I have no ride or the means to do it. I do miss the carne asada fries though; nobody here makes them for some unknown and intolerable reason. Someone send me some.

It's Like Football But With Only Your Feet

2010-06-11T09:01:00.000-07:00

Woke up feeling really groggy and hungry. I love toast with sugar on top. I took one of those 5-hour energy drinks, tastes terribe, but I have a 5-hour work shift: currently half an hour through it. I have a feeling that energy drinks are purely psychological; you think you'll be full of energy after drinking one so you kind of trick yourself into being full of energy after drinking an energy drink. But then again there is a ton of caffeine in this 5-hour energy.

So, soccer is finally about to become mainstream in the U.S. this year huh? What happened last year when it was supposedly going to be big in the U.S.? Or every other year this decade?

I finished Christ Versus Arizona, never thought I would be so enthralled with experimental writing as I was with CVA.

Hadoken!!

2010-06-06T13:20:00.000-07:00

While making eggs this morning, my finger accidentally grazed the edge of the skillet. It burned and was painful. Now there's a burn mark on it. Do burn marks go away? I see people with burn marks on their face and they're still carrying them around.

Jule Vernes!! Where Are You When I Need You

2010-06-03T16:44:00.000-07:00

Today I was called in by the legal adviser in our office to witness someone signing their will, apparently you have to have one present to observe that you are sane.

Incoming freshmans are on on-campus today for Freshman Orientation. Everyone in the office is out to either speak at a presentation there or setting something up.

Found out today someone named Frank Beddor wrote and is still writing a series of books that are complete rip offs of Lewis Caroll's Alice In Woderland stories. He's calling them, or his publishers are calling them, not like it matters much, a challenge to "Carrollian Wonderland assumptions of tea parties, dormice and a curious little blonde girl to reveal an epic, cross dimensional saga of love, murder, betrayal, revenge and the endless war for Imagination." And the back of the hardcover copy read's something along the lines of "a new modern twisted look at Alice in Wonderland." Worst of all, this was found in the sci fi section of my bookstore. I hate to admit it but some of the lamest and stupidest writers on Earth are sci fi writers.

Currently reading an incredible piece of experimental literature. Christ Versus Arizona by Camilo Jose Cela takes place during the Mexican Revolution in Arizona and tells the story of a town; entirely in one sentence. Maybe not entirely, I haven't read all of it yet but I've knocked out 170 pages out of 260 and still no periods or sentence completions.
Next up: Asian Lit—Journey to the West

I'm So Ready For This Semester To End/Look At Me Now

2010-04-14T22:01:00.000-07:00

In between my classes, part-time job, part-time internship, and club meetings, I've done this thing called life; pretty well if I may add. I got an angry account balance that I'll have to work well into the summer to pay off, which will mean no summer classes or priority registration for me, woop-di-doo. I'm moving into an apartment with Mashari in May so I got rent to stave off. I'm applying to be a club advocate at ASUA, the student government here, after a year of being a front desk assistant, and a library assistant because working in a library may just be in my future.

Persona's unveiling of this year's issue is tomorrow!

I caught myself swagging to class today—I don't think I'll ever go back to walking. Life is mellifluously going by and I'm not missing anything. I owe it to my logic: there's always time to study but time to do nothing is rare.

I'm doing what I set out to do. I'm proving my parents wrong for assuming my chances were abysmal. I'm not letting anyone define me because even in college, with a major, I'm still defining myself. I'm grinding through the rocks and crevices on my own steam, now that's firepower.

Was reading: Superheroes and Super Egos—a half history of comic books and half psychological look at them (did you know Sigmund Freud died the same day the first Superman comic premiered?),
Reading: Collected Works of Ezra Pound, Pikachu's Global Adventure, Becoming Batman—a physiological look at Batman and how a body has to work to be Batman

Ezra Pound is quickly becoming the greatest writer I've ever read. I love and completely agree with his logic that all writing should be written as if you were discovering it for the first time, a truth you're just coming upon, an epiphany occurring right before your eyes and at your fingertips, and condemning writing in past tense. "If the verb is put in the past tense there is very little to be said about this matter. The artist is always beginning. Any work of art which is not a beginning, an invention, a discovery, is of little worth."

There's Strapped For Cash And Than There's Me

2010-04-03T22:49:00.000-07:00

more like bondage. I'm a strong believer in 'money comes and goes' and putting more important things above money but right now I would really enjoy having a handful of it.

Think I shall write a poem about it.

Reading: Ezra Pound: Early Writings, The Collected Poems: Lyrical and Narrative of Mary Robinson (Madame Duclaux)

I Do Declare

2010-03-14T18:47:00.000-07:00

The Tucson Festival of Books took place here this weekend. Tons of middle aged people and housewives walking around with dogs but secretly have dozens of cats at home. I found War and Peace and 1984 in a used book sale for $7 in total. I'm most likely never going to finish War and Peace but I'll be reading 1984 when I work 40 hours over spring break week starting tomorrow.

I went to a class in which a published author talked about her experiences in publishing and writing books. I remember she advocated submitting your manuscript to one of the New York publishers (Random House, Harper-Collins, etc) but as an intern at the UA Press I disagreed with that. The publishing process with small university presses are much more rigorous; they send manuscripts to professionals in the field, fiction and nonfiction, and the manuscripts go through numerous drafts. University are as if not more rigorous to publish through than the conglomerate publishers, meaning that as your book is going through publication and when it is finally published people already know about it. Not just any people though, professionals and peers, people you want reading your book not just random readers who may not notice all the finer points of your book. Thinking about this, there are many other reasons I would advocate for smaller academic press but I need to play some video games and enjoy my spring break.

I'm also looking at minors; I'm thinking linguistics or religious studies. I thought UA had library science too but I don't think they do anymore.

I Predict Reinvention

2010-02-26T01:28:00.001-08:00

I grew up on two things: TV and music. I remember watching basic cable on my TV and thinking that this was all the programming there was in the world. I remember listening to the radio and believing this is the best music has to offer. And sure, I occasionally watched Sesame Street or the news and listened to talk radio, but I always flipped it back to my favorite respective stations with shows chockfull of zany zingers and catchy-sounding songs.

Nothing kept my interest as hard as I tried. Every few days I would scooter to a video rental place my dad always went to and rent a movie under new releases. I’ll always remember the first time I saw two, Anaconda and An Inconvienent Truth; the latter because it was actually pretty entertaining and showed me PBS didn't have a death vice of boredom on everything educational and Anaconda because the first thing you see in the movie is lesbian sex which was epic for me because I was around twelve at the time. My dad also had a DVD of Woodstock '99—which had flashes of boobies. Opening scene was Jame Brown. I remember seeing Alannis Morrisette, Rage Against the Machines, The Roots, and Sheryl Crow perform and thinking they were boring. However, I thought Insane Clown Posse was great, causing a regrettable addiction to "dimented hip hop" for a few years.

Then movies lost their touch with me. To compensate, I began staying up to watch late night shows; Conan O'Brien was funnier than Leno even back then. And every Saturday night there would be a debate between watching Saturday Night Live or Mad TV. Mad TV would usually win; back then they had a guy that did a hilarious impression of Shaq and another guy that did John Madden; Shaq would make jokes and accusations about Kobe and Madden would make infomercials for food, buckets of chicken usually. Of course, looking back on this I'm wondering what I was thinking in making these choices—except the one about Conan. Rage Against the Machines and The Roots were as much musicians as they were social commentators, Sesame Street and Saturday Night Live have outplayed competition for a combined 76 years (SNL premiered on the same day as my birthday by the way), and Insane Clown Posse?! Really?! Looking back on those years definitely brings up an earth shattering WTF?! But then again, looking back on the “me last year” also brings up a huge WTF?! Why didn’t I realize the genius of Jimi Hendrix sooner? And as a writer, looking into my old pieces reminds me of looking into a dumpster.

There comes a time in every jittery man’s life where he must jumble himself and everything he holds to be true together and unravel completely altered. I tell myself it'll happen again like a weatherman tells everyone to have their umbrellas ready. This constant reinventing is who I am. I would still be doing the same things as I did in the past, last month, or yesterday if I didn’t suddenly look up and think to myself, “why am I doing this?” or “what else is there I could be doing?”

As likely as a weatherman can predict rain, I wonder if I'll ever settle. Change is a constant in my life, I’m bound to transform sooner or later and I wouldn’t have it any other way, or at least until I get free time.

Mashari Told Me To Blog

2010-02-20T18:42:00.000-08:00

Today was a lazy Saturday, it was raining, and VH1 was running its series "Best of..." about the 80s and 90s. I like video games a lot. For me, it's like: you'll always have time to study but opportunites to do nothing and play video games are rare. Has anyone seen the Olympics? Yeah me neither. I did catch the opening ceremony which was pretty interesting for the Winter Olympics. And what about that new "We Are The World" video? As a music enthusiast and constant critic of the arts, it was garbage. Justin Bieber?? Is he even in high school yet? Miley Cyrus and Lil Wayne make me cringe. Good thing I have my LastFm and their amazing library of music to cancel out pop trash. I also gave blood a couple days ago. It was red.

Part Time

2009-12-10T17:39:00.000-08:00

I covered for someone today at work. I like where I work I get to deal with people everyday and my co workers and bosses are friendly. The returners say the spring semester is going to be more hectic; they have no idea.

I got an internship at the University of Arizona Press! So next semester I'm going to have two part time jobs. I'm excited for this internship, this is what I want to do. I like reading and I like telling people what to do so why not get a career where I can tell people what to read? Genius right. I actually had my mind set in a career in publishing but it's hard for me to see myself behind a desk all day.

Reading now: If I Die In Juarez by Stella Pope Duarte

Cough Cough Halloween

2009-11-02T21:28:00.000-08:00

I am pissed. I was sick for my first Halloween in college. No costume parties this year. Strangely, I had an inkling to go trick or treating. It wasn't weird that I went trick or treating last year was it?

Also, I don't know if you guys know but some guys wanted a holiday just for the guys, like a Valentines day for dudes, so they invented Steak and Blowjob Day, but if you asked me Halloween has always been a holiday for the guys. It's the one day girls are allowed to dress slutty (no offense, really) and not get evil eye for it. You know: nurse slut, devil slut, french maid slut, and the cool thing is every year a new kind of slut gets added; last year it was pirate slut and this year was vampire sluts. The one decent thing from Twilight.

Jammin 80s

2009-10-25T01:28:00.000-07:00

So I got a big list of top ten songs from each year of the 80s and I made it my goal to listen to all of them.

That was 2 weeks ago and I'm still on 86.

Interesting fact: theres only 2 Michael Jackson songs on the list (Billie Jean and Beat It), yet 6 Prince songs (Little Red Corvette, 1999, When Doves Cry, Purple Rain, Kiss, and Sing O' The Times), 5 Madonna songs (Holiday, Like A Virgin, Into The Groove, Papa Don't Preach, and Like A Prayer), and 3 U2 songs (Pride [in the name of love], With Or Without You, and I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For).

Too Late

2009-10-20T17:29:00.000-07:00

Can't believe it's already midterms and next month I go in to schedule classes for next semester.

While I Have Free Time

2009-09-20T11:36:00.000-07:00

No homework, it's what I get for not procrastinating. Plus, most of my homework (from Spanish 102) is just busy work. Undergrads get no respect.

So far U of A has been fun. Football games are riots and basketball games are supposed to be even bigger. My English and creative writing club is something to look forward to. I don't think I've seen a bigger gathering of passionate misfits, weirdo, and 'interesting' people since Comic-Con. EDGE (I forget what it stands for) and VSA (Vietnamese Student Association), both Asian affiliated clubs are starting up; I didn't think I'd be able to stand a room full of Asians, especially after Idyllwild where the dorms were infested with them and Crawford's groups, but they're cool (no offense to anyone). Someone I got to know from VSA invited me to join an Asian frat. The weight room is keeping me busy in between classes but there's no wrestling at all here. I like wrestling and if I don't committ to doing something active I'll just stay in my dorm and blog all day. Good thing I have a job at the Center for Student Involvement and Leadership and ASUA (U of A's student government) or I'd have no money for hair gel and minutes for my cell phone.

Pees Owt.

Disney

2009-08-30T21:08:00.000-07:00

No matter where I am or what I am doing, I will always have time to watch Disney movies.

My favorite Disney animated movies:

1. Toy Story
2. Peter Pan
3. Lion King
4. Aladdin
5. Cinderella
6. Wall-E
7. Up
8. A Bug's Life
9. Monster Inc.
10. The Little Mermaid

And apparently there was other movies that Disney was a part of but were not released by them, like Howl's Movie Castle and Who Framed Roger Rabbit which I liked a lot.

Tonight and Tomorrow

2009-08-27T23:02:00.000-07:00

As I sit here, late at night, typing away at my loaner netbook, and finishing conjugating verbs for Spanish 102 (that for some reason cosmically beyond me I am taking instead of 101), I see how I have wanted this for so long. This is really a dream come true, minus a few luxuries and an other half, but it was one I made real.

I think I have gotten more done in these few days away from home than I have ever done in 17 years with my parents.

The only class that I thoroughly enjoy is my English (109H; Advance First Year Composition) class. From what I have heard, it will be based around the actual writing process, the composition and researching, with a little interpretation. Our first assignment comes tomorrow morning when we are set to have class at U of A's Center of Creative Photography, a nationally recognized photography museum apparently, for analysis of still portraits. I might actually go to bed early but that would be near impossible because of my instinctual unwillingness to go to sleep early. I also enjoy my Comparative Religions class. If I were not bent on an English major, then I would be a science major; if i were not a science major, I would be a religious studies major.

It's somewhere around midnight, I'm sure, which means it's time for homework.

Thursday May 28

2009-05-28T16:41:00.001-07:00

It's been awhile...and its because my parents decided they don't like paying bills. I don't have internet or phone; I'm at my internship site writing this as I wrap up my last day here at the Media Arts Center.

On the brighter side, everything about high school in coming to a close, and in a few days, I will do my senior presentation and graduate and move out. Sound great to me!

Thursday May 7

2009-05-07T20:18:00.000-07:00

Post AP English exam time. It was way easier than I thought or at least trained for. I felt knowledgeable about all the multiple choice questions and it was just time that got to me. The essays were a little troublesome, especially the last one but I think I did exceptional, like a 4 or 5 good. I need it too, UA won't accept 3s. Its still funny to me how the MVAS kids blew it off.

NO!!! All my music is down. Most of the music on my computer had been downloaded from SpiralFrog and after the site went down, all their songs had an expiration date and I guess it was today. Great.

MTS is supposed to tell me if my essay was good enough for a free laptop.

Wednesday May 6

2009-05-06T21:49:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the AP English test! I'm ready...

Monday May 4

2009-05-04T21:56:00.000-07:00

I'm not trying to be bothersome but my essay for Compassion and Choices about euthanasia got turned down! I busted my ass on that essay and out of 400 people I wasn't even a finalist! I really needed the money too.

Completely opposite, CSU Summer Arts doubled my scholarship money to go to Fresno for the summer! I would still need to pay $300 but that's at least manageable. Unfortunately I have freshman orientation at the same time as the screenwriting classes, but I can still make it to the fiction writing class. I'm going to stay in touch with their coordinator on email to settle this out.

AP English exam in: 4 days

Friday, May 1

2009-05-01T21:30:00.000-07:00

I wasn't late today, woohoo.

Internship was the same thing but the time went by faster today for some reason.

Then in about an hour I went to a candlelight vigil for Lucya Lopez, she died in a car accident along with some of her friends. We walked from Colina to Crawford where we had a moment of silence and prayer at the front gate. Then we walked down Trojan Ave to Lucya's house where we had another moment of silence. From there we wrapped up the vigil by returning to Colina Park where Lucya's parents said a few words and everyone blew out their candles.

Tomorrow I have a study session at 8 am, it should be fun. Free food, that's cool.

Wednesday April 29

2009-04-29T21:52:00.000-07:00

It was one of those confusing Wednesdays at school.

In AP English, we took practice tests from APEX (what it stands for, does, or mean I have no idea) online, Wilson went to their training on Monday and learned all this stuff and thought it would help. And it did. After I did my diagnostic testing, they organize the type of questions, from tone to rhetoric and some other stuff, and tell you how much of them you got wrong. For some reason, I got a really good score on rhetoric, but the others I will have to focus on.

At the Peer Helper's meeting, we're finally starting recruitment! I'm dying to see who will be the next Peer Helpers. I also talked to Yumi about Idllywild's summer arts camp and the writing courses there. I really want to go, it free, two weeks away from home to do what you love with everything paid for, who wouldn't take that?

I stayed for the volleyball game, we lost but there was free pizza! I also got to workout for the first time in a very long time. I felt stronger on some workouts than I did others, like I felt puny on the bench presses. I don't know, I think I'll try to workout more often in college.

The fun part of today was when Mashari and I went to SDSU for a poetry reading. We got there late because I wasn't paying attention to the clock. When we got there it was pretty full. All the seats were taken and there was a crude line of listeners going out to the front door. We stood and listened for awhile, questioned ourselves whether or not we were in the right place when there was mentionings of dirty words, then amazement that we were. We listened for a little longer then got bored and started walking around the library. SDSU's library is huge and has some much books; it makes me want to think about considering going to SDSU. We went to the magazine section and spent a good 30 minutes there. She was looking at art magazines and I found literary reviews and magazines. I was surprised by how many there were; at least two full rows front and back. After a short debaccle with the elevators (who knew things that only go up and down can be so confusing) we went home.

Monday April 27

2009-04-27T21:05:00.000-07:00

Today was fairly eventful.

School was a little different because of the swine flu talks going around.

Mr. Shroeder: If anyone wants to take one for the team... they would close the school down for a week if someone got sick.

Internship was the same ol.' The Media Arts Center should be fun but all they have me do is sit in front of the computer.

I started looking for stuff to do with Mashari. There's a poetry reading at SDSU on Wednesday and there is free admission to the Museum of Contemporary Art for people under 25. I'm planning on taking her out more after the dam AP tests. I owe her a dinner.

The Paradise

2009-04-07T20:39:00.000-07:00

“The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.”
-John Milton

The nightly fluttering of feathers yonder,
Mornings zealous hallows matters none,
Sifted by times changing, as with autumn leaves,
Seared from the tip to a barren and null plummet
Until the next, to a man standing by the truthful Cocytus,
As oblivious as the others or possible in damnation;
Upon arrival, a miserable death dealer snared:
“What purpose thou hath in infernal loneliness,
Such pure soul worthless of wicked sins or thoughts—
Thou’s nothing more than a simpleton
Why is thou not ascending with wings blindingly lit?”
The man then tightly urged the answer:
“I have pondered exactly yet have known all along;
Upon living my splendid life of great travels and quaint possessions
Yet devout faith was absent to my design; I nearly grew dreary of life
And life alone. Was my deepest desires
Far from the mark of all that is holy?
God teaches this deliberate curse after all,
That the grandeur within life
Is meant as a servitude to Him
But in the name of said merciful being, of the bearer of miracles,
The light from above in the midst of darkness and war,
Why must it be so and I, thus, blasphemous?”
The man lightly sobbed surrounded by despair,
Still on the riverside, watching his cold tears
Descend upon and dowsing the fiery river,
His heart hastened, set for his damnation.

Acceptance...finally

2009-03-18T22:17:00.001-07:00

I finally got accepted to a school that I wanted to go to, Northern Arizona University.

Turndowns

2009-03-17T17:49:00.000-07:00

I just found out I was not accepted into UC San Diego and Santa Barbara. So now I only have Irvine and Berkeley as potential UC attendances.

I'm still waiting for University of Arizona and Northern Arizona is making it real difficult for me; they keep sending me letters to fix this and that. Last week there was something wrong with my financial aid application now there's something wrong with my whole dam FAFSA. It doesn't really matter. As long as I can move away. My parents are still mad at me for wanting to move away, but not in a cute "he's our little boy" way, it's more of a "what the hell are you thinking!" thing.

They really don't think I can make it. They think I won't be able to balance schoolwork with a job which I will most likely need to have. They think I won't be able to take care of myself because "I can't even keep my room clean." I would be lying if I said I didn't care about their shit talking because that's the type of guy that I am, I can easily let things bounce off; but this is different, its almost a challenge to me. And I love challenges.

Latino Film Festival

2009-03-15T21:32:00.000-07:00

The Latino Film Festival was so cool! The movies, the whole event, and I got to be apart of it.

Most of the movies were in a foreign language (I was the only Asian there) that I couldn't understand but a couple had subtitles. I saw one movie in another language for about 45 minutes. It was different seeing a movie in another language, I paid attention to more details, lighting, set design, and other stuff. And because I didn't know what they were saying, I paid more attention to what I was shown. I saw The Missing Lynx, an animated film but the best last night was definitely Sleep Dealers, and that's saying a lot because I saw Watchmen that night too. I stayed there till 11:30 to see that movie but it was awesome. It was like The Matrix but more believable because it was set in some far off future and was told from the view of Mexican immigrants. I liked it a lot.

Street Fighter

2009-03-07T23:40:00.000-08:00

Today I saw Street Fighter: the Legend of Chun Li at my girlfriends house. It was interesting, the storyline was okay, fighting scenes were cool, but for a Street Fighters movie there was a lot of shooting and gun battles and they did not come close to doing justice to characters from the video game. There's somethings I can let go like some of the characters being different nationalities than their video game counterparts (I'm not that big of a nerd) but with a movie with only about five of the fighters (Bison, Vega, Chun Li, two others one I'm pretty sure but I can remember) you'd think they would at least go all out for them.

The storyline was easy to follow but painfully boring, it transitions weird from one part of the story to another like some of the flashbacks.

One thing that I found particulary cool was the hadoken they did. It looked visually amazing yet new and refreshing; it was more swirly than the one on the video game but it was just annoying how Chun Li does the hadoken, there's too much pre-hadoken hand movements and breathing and concentrating.

If there is a sequel I will not see it.

Reading is fun...mostly

2009-03-06T19:07:00.000-08:00

Sometimes reading is fun but sometimes it isn't. Especially when they are over 400 pages, on old, yellow, wrinkled paper, and there is a timed write and test on it at the end.

Right now I'm reading Crime and Punishment for AP English and it is painfully boring and tedious, except for the 15 pages of pure excitement so far. But I think I will deal.

Food Fight!

2009-02-28T23:13:00.001-08:00

Well last night, at around 11, the Peer Helpers and I broke our 30 hour fast. One word: blurry. That's how everyone looked when the food arrived. I can't really talk; when my bacon cheeseburger was delivered in front of me, I zoned out. I'm usually not so ecstatic about IHOP but after 30 hours of not eating anything, everything looks good, even IHOP, and now I know why they are famous for pancakes and burgers.

But seriously those 30 hours were a pain, I have a new perspective now of the world, how do children in underdeveloped countries do it?! And how can we do that to them?! It makes me grateful for what I have, because face it, no matter how bad of a recession we are in or how fucked up the economy is, we are better off than most countries on Earth but at the same time, it makes me mad because I don't know who is helping the starving children. Sigh...

Note to self: save the world.

30 hours of no food

2009-02-25T15:59:00.000-08:00

Yep, I'm serious! Starting tomorrow afternoon, my community service club, the Peer Helpers, and I will be fasting for 30 hours to raise awareness for poverty and hunger around the world. We have also be collecting donations for WorldVision, an organization dedicated to feeding hungry children around the world but lately they have concentrated efforts especially in Africa.

We set a goal of $30 individually but I raised over $100 and there is still two more days before I have to turn it in! I set a goal for myself at $60 because I did this last year but I was lazy and didn't raise any money so this year I wanted to atone for last year. I mostly went to teachers around my own high school and the other middle and elementary schools down the block. It's surprising how generous teachers are; these are some of the poorest schools but the teachers are donating $5, $10, $20; it's shocking.

Welcome to my Blog

2009-02-23T19:44:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,
I thought I would just start a blog, a place for me to put down whatever I feel like putting down.

A few things about me: I'm 17 and a senior in high school (09!), I also have a deviantart account if anyone knows what that is re4p3r1.deviantart.com check it out, I mostly post the poems and short stories I write occasionally. I used to write a lot more in general but senior year is starting to get hectic and it's hard to find time to write just for fun; my reading time has gone down drastically too. When will it end? When? Well other than that I'm a happy loving life kinda guy, always joking around and I still love watching cartoons on Saturday mornings even though all the best shows are gone (Pokemon, Digimon, the orginal TMNT, Scooby-Doo) but some of it is still entertaining.

Heres to Blogging!